Pain

Pain.

My heart hurts

I miss my baby.

Glimpses of our past together bring me deep feelings in my belly.

Images of your sweet face remind me when you were in my belly.

Wow.

I’m really a mom.

Even though it’s been many years now

the feeling is still surreal.

Sacrifice.

I’m so sorry.

I hope you forgive me one day.

I hope you understand.

It was not healthy.

I was not healthy.

I couldn’t continue to live the way I was living, knowing how it was eating me up

Knowing it was starting to taint my love for you.

My love is pure for you

Forever.

Always.

I won’t let anything change that.

I had to run away to rebuild.

I’m so sorry you couldn’t come this time.

My birthday is coming.

I’m more aware of my mortality than I’ve ever been.

More aware of how my mortal existence matters.

I love you so much.

I hope that you forgive me one day

I work so hard because I owe you

I owe it to you to be able to provide anything you may need to flourish in ways that I did not have access to

I know you complained I worked all the time, but I was working for you

There are so many things what I wish I would’ve done better

I just wish I could’ve been so much better for you

I just wish I could’ve been so much better to you

I love you Nemah

Nemah and I – May 2018

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